Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
