He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
