I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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