I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
