I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Randomize
