it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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