when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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