Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
