2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
