Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
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Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
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If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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