do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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