Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
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This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
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He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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