the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
