So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
