when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
