I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
