It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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