My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
She said her name was "party"
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I am available for nakedness
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
