I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize
