16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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