i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
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why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
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I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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