walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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