What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
