Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
