Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
