I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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