Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Randomize
