I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Randomize
