the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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