I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
