I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
