Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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