I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize