"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Pappa wants mamma naked
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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