Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
