Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
