I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Everything about him screamed your future.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Also, beer. Big fan.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
