I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
