he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
