I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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