I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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