I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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