i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
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