but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Randomize
