I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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