So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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