in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Randomize
