Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
You had me at "let me see your balls"
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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