I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Randomize
