Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
