Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
