She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
She told me I should be a condom model.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
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