Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
