Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His hands were made for my vagina.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Randomize