You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
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she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
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You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
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