Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
