Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
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