so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Houston, we have a blender
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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