Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
