i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
