How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
