I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
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