He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
