drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Randomize