Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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