the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
