She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
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