I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
