I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
