I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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