I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
