I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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