I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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