Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
